Originally written May, 1998
On an occasional Saturday my best friend and I would hop into my Cessna 172 airplane, located just behind my house, and fly it to Manassas, Virginia. There we would rent a Robinson R22 helicopter, tour Washington, D.C. and hover around our hometown in Annapolis, Maryland. We would complete our day by returning the aircraft to its respective airport and then race to the downtown Annapolis bars in our speedboats. We would spend most of the night at the bars partying. Although this was an exciting lifestyle to some, I was looking for more.
The Prosperous 80’s
I worked in sales at Apple Computer for most of the 80’s. Apple experienced tremendous growth at this time and all its employees prospered. I too shared in Apple’s financial success. As a single man in my 20’s this financial freedom allowed me great flexibility in my lifestyle. I owned a home on the water, an airplane, a boat, and I traveled around the world on an expense account. As a consistent recipient of Apple’s “Golden Apple Award” I have had the privilege of hiking on the Great Wall of China, chipping off remnants of the Berlin Wall in Germany and diving the Great Barrier Reef off of the coast of Australia. I have traveled most of the continental United States as well and visited other exotic places. And yet, in my heart I knew there was more to life than fancy trips and first class living. I still did not have that one special person in my life with whom to share these experiences. And, quite frankly, I did not believe the deepest desires of my heart could be met without this person.
The Path of Life
I was never raised, nor did I believe, that finances were the answer to my happiness. I had seen the destructive nature of greed during my childhood and have never forgotten my parents’ warnings about money. I did, however, believe that having money could make my life more comfortable and thus believed the axiom, the more the merrier. Furthermore, I considered the level of income a barometer of success. I wanted to be viewed as a successful person and that translated into finding a career that allowed me to make good money. I found out by the constant questioning “what do you do for a living?” that man’s identity was somehow wrapped up in this as well. What I “did” seemed to be who I was. Additionally, I believed that there was a plan for my life and it was the path I was following: Graduate from college, get a job in sales with a prestigious company, start my own business, get married to the love of my life, have children, provide a better than average life for them, and then retire. Not such a bad plan. From a cultural point of view, it seemed to be “the” plan! There was only one problem. It was not working for me. My dream of finding the love of my life was still just that, a dream. My heart was empty.
Exercise & Work
I attempted to fill this vacuum through exercise and work. Accordingly, I participated in a triathalon, swam across the Chesapeake bay, lifted weights obsessively, and biked thousands of miles. Furthermore, I sold just about everything I owned in 1990 and founded a multimedia business with two close friends. All of these events challenged me greatly but none provided the satisfaction that I sought. And all the while I faced broken relationship after broken relationship… one of which I would have bet was the “one”! Why was it so hard for me to find the “right” person? It certainly did not seem to be this difficult for the rest of the world, as I watched all of my friends being married off one at a time. Were my standards too high for this “person”? Were my dreams simply illusions from Hollywood? What was wrong with me, I wondered?
Are Successful People Ever Satisfied?
At some point during this time a close friend of mine asked me if I was ever satisfied. Without awaiting my response, he told me that he did not think any successful people ever were. That hit me right between the eyes. On the one hand, I felt a sense of pride that perhaps I was “wired” for success. This instinctive drive was part of the design that all successful people had –a good thing. However, a deep fear gripped my soul. Was this life going to be one attempt after another to try to satisfy an unsatiable appetite? When asked how much money was enough, one of the wealthiest men of our time, J.D. Rockefeller said, “just a little bit more than I have”. Was this the way it was going to be for me? Could it be that my drive toward finding the love of my life was merely one more thing on an endless list of desires in my life? Why are 52% of marriages ending in divorce, I wondered, if this is supposedly “my” answer?
The Search for God
I was provoked to search for an alternative. A catalyst in this search was a conversation about religion with my Dad. He told me that he was not sure that he believed in a God at all (a belief he has since renounced). We discussed the “big bang” theory and his belief that it was inconsistent with the biblical portrayal of creation. Although I was not raised with strong convictions on God or His existence, I instinctively believed in such a Being. Surprisingly, I was shocked, almost stunned by my Dad’s remarks. It was as if all my hope had just been destroyed. If there was no God, I thought, then my dreams may be just that, dreams. But why was I so shocked about my fathers remarks when I had believed the answer to my search was somehow found in the world? Perhaps the mystery of the deepest desires of my heart were somehow connected to God. This provoked me to look deeper into religion and so I began attending church.
Church
My memory of church was people going through the rituals of the service. I recall looking around one particular Sunday as everyone said the Lord’s prayer. Did anyone really know what they were praying, I wondered? I certainly did not. I listened to the sermons as well, but could not understand the application of the message to my life situation. Nonetheless, every Sunday I went through the same “mechanics” of “church”. I considered it a weekly activity on my list of things to do. And, after each service, I would feel better about having gone to church. It certainly was a change of pace to hear someone promote love and peace rather than the worldly ideals of selfishness and greed. I felt like I was doing the right thing regardless of whether I truly understood or believed the message that was being delivered.
Christianity by Culture
You could say I defined Christianity as being part of the U.S. culture rather than a particular belief in God. By simply being an American and living as one, I thought I was a Christian. This view seemed to be the unspoken belief of most everyone I knew. Particularly for those who attended church. Unfortunately, that was not enough for me anymore. My time was too precious to simply go through the “motions” without knowing why. I wanted to understand the foundation of Christianity –what did the bible say about God? I was either going to be a Christian by conviction or not at all. I did not need to belong to a cultural club based on “feelings”. I wanted truth.
The Questions
This search for truth resulted in a plethora of questions. You might say these were my obstacles to faith. Questions that I had previously assumed had no logical answers. For instance; Could there be only one “true” religion? What about the people that could not read or those that grew up in a non-Christian culture? Was God going to leave them out of His Kingdom because they did not grow up “Christian”? Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, etc., are they going to hell because they do not believe in Jesus? What about all these religious people fighting to prove their point about a God who professes love? What about the hypocrisy of religious leaders who one day tell us to shape up or end up in the pit of hell and the next are caught in a scandal? Are we to believe them? Was there historical evidence to prove that Jesus was who He claimed to be? And where in the Bible did He say who He was anyway? Was Christianity simply “blind faith” as I had reasoned? Are all Christians just simple minded people that do not have anything left for which to hope?
Knowledge of Scripture
I also questioned the authority of scripture. I based this doubt on knowledge of only a few passages. For instance, when Jesus was talking to the rich man and said, “sell everything you have and give to the poor” (Luke 18:22). I could not imagine that had any relevance to me today. As a matter of fact, that message seemed to be the polar opposite of how I defined success! Furthermore, I discarded passages found in the Beatitudes (Matthew 5) as Jesus equated anger with murder (v.22), lust with adultery (v.27), and he told us to gouge out (v.29) whatever body part that caused us to sin! Nobody could live up to those standards! (Only later would I learn that was Jesus’ point!) If one of those passages smelled of myth, then how could I trust any one of them to have any real meaning? Although I did not consider the context of the scripture, nor did I know anything about the rest of the Bible, I judged it inadequate out of my ignorance. Then the reality of death hit close to home.
Life and Death
My aunt was diagnosed with cancer during the summer of 1992. The cancer spread so fast that even the doctors were stunned. Within a couple months of the diagnoses, she passed away. I was face to face with the death of my sweet Aunt. Her precious life over at the blink of an eye. Where was she now, I wondered? At that moment it became naive for me to take my own life for granted. Did all of these people with all of these opinions about God know where my dear aunt was right now? Could I take my own life for granted and consider myself to be logical? intelligent? wise? without knowing what the Bible said about life and death?
Sunday School
This drive for truth kept me coming back to church despite my rigid schedule and my continued lack of understanding of religion. At the same time, the pressures of my business began to take their toll on me both physically and mentally. I was desperate and I prayed for God to open my eyes and teach me the truth about who He was. One of the greatest events in the history of my life happened next. One Sunday in 1992, the minister made a desperate plea for a 5th grade Sunday school teacher. I volunteered and was accepted without question. From then on, rather than going out “partying” on Saturday nights, I was at home studying the Bible so I would not make a fool of myself in front of those children on Sunday.
The Great Discovery
As I taught these kids, the God of the Universe introduced Himself to me through His word in the Holy Bible. He led me to facts about the Bible that I had never known. For example, it was written over approximately 2000 years by some 40 authors. And all of them have the same message to deliver –from the Old Testament to the New Testament. I was old enough then to understand that this never happens in this world! I learned there were over 500 witnesses to Jesus Christ’s resurrection, and that the same disciples who denied Jesus at His crucifixion were all crucified for Christ. Why would they deny Him and then die for Him unless He had been resurrected? Furthermore, I studied the issues regarding the translation of the Bible and was convinced by the evidence that what I read in the Bible is accurate and authentic– historically, scientifically, and scripturally. I learned of the prophecies about Jesus in the Old Testament. Such as Isaiah 53. This passage was written 680 years in advance of Christ’s life. It identifies Jesus exactly as His life was described in the New Testament! I learned about a person (Saul) who was persecuting Christians and miraculously stopped and became not only a follower of Jesus but one of His greatest disciples, the apostle Paul, also martyred for Christ. Why would Paul believe as passionately as he did if he had not seen Jesus after the resurrection as the Bible says? Further, how many great people claimed to be God? I found out only one, Jesus. John 8:58 “‑‘I tell you the truth’, Jesus answered, ‘before Abraham was born, I am!’” John 10:30 “I and the Father are one.” John 11:25-26 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die”. And, as if this was not enough to prove deity, He died because He claimed to be God! Matthew 26:63-64 “The high priest said to him, I charge you under oath by the living God: Tell us if you are the Christ, the Son of God. Yes, it is as you say, Jesus replied. He is worthy of death, they answered.” None of the other great religious leaders claimed deity! And if Jesus claimed to be God and was not, then He certainly should not be considered a great man or prophet. Yet that is exactly what Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, Buddhism and many so called Christians believe! Additionally, through my studies of scripture I have seen how conveniently people leave out parts of the Bible that do not support their cause in order for them to make their point. Christianity, belief that Jesus is Lord and that we are offered a personal relationship with Him, is the only conclusion that I could make of the Holy Bible.
God Shaped Vacuum
It was during this time that I began to discover what Blaise Pascal, a famous French philosopher had found inside of every man is a god-shaped vacuum. According to the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes (v.3:11) it says that God has “set eternity in the hearts of men.” Translated, this means that no matter what I thought would make me happy, I could never be completely satisfied by the worldly pleasures that I sought in my work, my personal relationships, my physical appearance or elsewhere. God has given all of us a yearning that only He can satisfy. According to the Bible, my emptiness was not about finding romance, it was about finding God.
What I Now believe
What I now believe is that the formerly dusty Bible that once was hidden on my own shelf is the inspired Word of the living God. I believe that it is all true, including the creation story, the parting of the red sea, the virgin birth, the resurrection and everything in between. I believe it is a book about salvation, about everlasting life with God. A book that reveals God’s true character and His amazing grace. Amazing because it says that no matter who we are or what we have done, God loves us enough to die for us; “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). And God’s Son is Jesus, sacrificed on the cross for you and me to fulfill God’s plan of restoring our sinful natures to Himself –a perfect, Holy and Just God. Said in another way; God became a man, Jesus, with all of our humanity, He lived a perfect life, took on the sins of the whole world, and died in our place. That is how much He loves us! That is how much He loves you! And I believe that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus Christ, believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, ask forgiveness for your sins, and accept His life, you will have eternal life.
The Garden of Gethsemane. This is where Jesus prayed with His disciples just before He was arrested. (Matt 26:36)
Eternal Perspective
Jesus is the answer to my deepest desires for meaning. I still have my drive and passion, but now it is directed at the One Who gave them to me in the first place, Jesus. I have not given up my desire to share my life with someone, I have simply put it in God’s hands and realize that only He knows what or who is best for me. I tried the world’s way for most of my life and it did not work. Many of you know that all too well but are still struggling to figure out how the world can satisfy your deepest desires. But it will not because it cannot. Peace came to me from letting go and following Christ; “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28). Perhaps you too are ready to let go. Jesus is a free gift offered to us all. He was rejected and died for a purpose, to set us free. And all He asks us to do is to accept His offer, by asking Him into our hearts, and to follow Him. Jesus says “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again” (John 3:3). I have started this newsletter to share with you my interpretation of what this means. And, I will base my interpretation on Scripture, as interpreted by other Scripture, and in the context of how, when and why it was written. I am not trying to convince you of anything, if I could do that then this would simply be a sales gimmick. God will use “Eternal Perspective” as He sees fit. Perhaps, however, my story will provoke you to seek God with all your heart. And remember, in seeking Him, you will find Him and in finding Him you truly do find life, His life, where the deepest desires of your own hearts will be met; “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).
God bless you all.
To Christ be the glory.
“Hardcopy’s available upon request at tawheeler@truevine.net“
